Old Flames

I have a friend that is toying with the idea of reuniting with her ex. I can understand the desire. I have been there myself, how can I blame her. If she, or any of my friends chooses to reunite with someone, who is it for me to say. I care about my friend and her happiness, but will not risk losing a friend because we disagree about who her mate should be.

Some of the things I remind myself of when I toy with the idea of reuniting with my ex are:

Has he changed, like he promised a thousand times?

Will I feel safe about our relationship if we were together?

Would I trust him not to break my trust?

Would I have to worry about walking around on egg shells?

Would he ever be happy at work? Happy at home?

Would he stop revealing his true nature and embarrassing me in public, in front of my family or friends?

Does he really want me? or is he just lonely too?

Really I could go on and on, but I think my point is clear.

I have to caveat all the change requests with the fact that the things I wanted him to change were unhealthy in ANY relationship. Not something like too much sports or changing the oil in the car. I did not marry the guy I dated, if I'd known the way he was when we dated, I would have never married him. I can't think of too many women who would. No man is going to change his essence. He can hide it for a short while, but it is always lingering there... waiting. A person has to have a serious emotionally life changing event occur in order to really change who they are.

I am better off without him. But, I forget that, when I am lonely, that's where the reminders come in. But my friend, who is toying with the idea.... make sure it is what you really want.

On my own

It is really weird being here in El Paso, so far away from my family. You'd think living here for nearly five years that I'd have more friends. When you have a husband you don't really need friends, and the friends you do have are based on a "couple" relationship. Being in the military, your other friends move or you move. Once in a while you make friends that last. Friends that you will hop on a plane and visit. I am so thankful for those friends.

Many of my current local friends don't understand it when I say that I'm lonely. They are like come over... but it is not that simple. I do really like being at home, usually don't mind that I'm alone. But, it is hard not having a gal pal local that I can confide in, the things you only tell your deepest friends and we provide words of encouragement to each other, then we say F it, go do something.... I know, sounds weird.

So, I have been searching for a roommate and that has not been going well. Had my first perspective option come by today. I don't think she was that interested, we'll see.

I hoped on my bike this afternoon and rode up to the local biker bar/restaurant. Met a couple of fellas, one said crass things like "I like to watch you eat your french fries" then gave me his card, uh, buddy, no! The next fella was really quite interesting and we seemed seemingly compatible. He asked for my number... we'll see.