Old Flames

I have a friend that is toying with the idea of reuniting with her ex. I can understand the desire. I have been there myself, how can I blame her. If she, or any of my friends chooses to reunite with someone, who is it for me to say. I care about my friend and her happiness, but will not risk losing a friend because we disagree about who her mate should be.

Some of the things I remind myself of when I toy with the idea of reuniting with my ex are:

Has he changed, like he promised a thousand times?

Will I feel safe about our relationship if we were together?

Would I trust him not to break my trust?

Would I have to worry about walking around on egg shells?

Would he ever be happy at work? Happy at home?

Would he stop revealing his true nature and embarrassing me in public, in front of my family or friends?

Does he really want me? or is he just lonely too?

Really I could go on and on, but I think my point is clear.

I have to caveat all the change requests with the fact that the things I wanted him to change were unhealthy in ANY relationship. Not something like too much sports or changing the oil in the car. I did not marry the guy I dated, if I'd known the way he was when we dated, I would have never married him. I can't think of too many women who would. No man is going to change his essence. He can hide it for a short while, but it is always lingering there... waiting. A person has to have a serious emotionally life changing event occur in order to really change who they are.

I am better off without him. But, I forget that, when I am lonely, that's where the reminders come in. But my friend, who is toying with the idea.... make sure it is what you really want.