So What? I'm 40. Turns Out.... It's No Big Deal

I had a wonderful weekend celebrating my birthday early.  I went out to dinner at my favorite El Paso restaurant with my new boyfriend and my girlfriend and her husband.  On Satuday my girlfriend hosted a 40 and Fabulous themed party at my house.  Then, Tuesday, March 15th, 2011, came and went without a blip, I had some nice emails, Facebook comments and phone calls from friends and family, I am blessed to have so many people who care about me.  I have accepted who I am and that, yes, I am getting older, but that doesn't mean I'm getting "OLD".  I think I'm going to love my 40's. 

So what have I been doing, I met a man in July, we have been dating ever since.  He is kind, Christian, good looking, intelligent, 6', 42 years old, great cook, handy & mechanical, no kids (that's not a requirement), and is head over heals in love with me.  Don't sound the church bells just yet.

I ran the Las Cruces Half Marathon and got a personal record, 2:23 in December and the El Paso Half Marathon earlier this month and got a personal worst 2:49.  I went to New Orleans for a girlfriends wedding at the end of February, ate and partied well, then went on a swamp tour.  I'd like to go back.

Arthur and I are going home to visit my family in Kansas City the first week of April, regretfully the boyfriend can't make it because he just started a new job.  I am scheduled to run "Rock the Parkway" on April 2nd in Kansas City, hopefully my family can come root me on. 

I'm taking two Master's classes that I consistantly find reasons to procrastinate on the homework.  But, I am qualified to graduate this May with one class remaining.  I'll knock that out this summer.

I had some goals that I could not complete and may never, (celebacy kinda went out the window).  I struggle with ordinary problems.  But, I am human, we all struggle.  When I fail or fall, I have to wipe the dust and tears and keep moving forward, because that's what I do best.

Some goals for me now that I'm  40:
Quit smoking (I'm on day 2)
Finish my Master's Degree (Graduation is May7th)
Go on a cruise
Watch the entire James Bond series (hopefully in one long weekend)
Bring in my girlfriend's 30th birthday
Learn macramé
Visit my Great Aunt in Australia
Visit Alaska
Go on a Holy Land Tour
Free fall skydive
The list will grow, I won't finish them all this year, and I'm sure there are some other things that I'll want to do.

I've been remiss in blogging, but the theme of the blog is 40 and happier, I still  have nine years in my 40s.  Then it will have to be 50 and happier.  =)

And yes, I am 40 and I've never been happier.

It's almost Christmas.....

Ten days until Christmas, three months till I'm 40.


I have signed up to take two classes for the Spring 2011 semester and hopefully will qualify for a May graduation.  I will have to take my final class over the Summer to meet the graduation requirements.


I ran the Women's Running Magazine Half Marathon on November 21st, in St. Petersburg, Florida, I got a 2:37:58, the EXACT same time as my El Paso Half Marathon time this past March.  I signed up to run a Half Marathon in Las Cruces this Saturday, this time I will not have anyone to pace me so I'll see what my actual personal best time is... I hope I can get a Personal Record "PR".  I am thinking I may try and do a Half a Month.  So I am considering doing the Phoenix Rock & Roll Half in January and the New Orleans Rock & Roll Half in February, then the El Paso Half in March.  We'll see.


On January 22d I am hosting a home jewelry sales party at my house, I'm calling it a Red Carpet Jewerly Gala...A Night of Glitter, Glam & Glitz!  That has me thinking I may want to host a home sales party a month too.  Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Avon, Home and Garden etc.


I visited the Veterans Home today with my unit, it was so nice to visit with these elderly heros, I never realized how they appreciate visitors.  I'm thinking I'd like to get Sir Arthur certified as a service dog and take him for visits to the retirees.


I've also been selected as the local Warrant Officer Association Chapter President.  I am looking forward to getting more WO's involved.


I'm all decorated for Christmas and really appreciating the small things that come with the season.

Love vs Infatuation

I asked my friend today what is love and how can you tell it is love vs infatuation.  He said it's love if you are willing to keep working at the relationship even after the infatuation wears away.  I know that is not a whole definition, but, I think maybe it has a little truth in it.  They say infatuation rarely last longer than a year and in order for the relationship to work it has to be replaced by "true love".  


God wants us to love others the way he loves us... Agape love. ( 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ) It is impossible to love like God loves, He is perfect and forgiving in a way humans can never be.  Oh, but if we could, right?  I think we get glimpses of Gods love for us in our interactions with others.  


Love is patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring.  It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, or angry.  True love never fails.  This is the way God loves... I want that.


With that being said, I think you can love multiple people over a lifetime, but can love, man/woman love, be abused... hence the infatuation vs love.

What's normal

As I try to live my day to day life, I think I am healed, I am okay, I am a survivor.... I'm past my past.  Now, that I am dating.  I feel crazy, I don't know what is "normal" behavior in a relationship.  That makes me very angry, angry that I wasted my life for so long in an emotionally abusive crazy relationship.  What is normal in a relationship?

I don't need a man, I need a champion...

I don't want anything less than the best, the best for me, my best, may not be the same as someone else's best.  I want a man that loves me as much as I love him.  I want him to encourage me as much as I encourage him.  I want him to have as much ambition for me as I have for him.  Someone that is a champion for L.O.V.E.   I wish I could put this into words without sounding like a crazy girl.  I will champion for someone that is a champion for me, not because of a obligation, but because of wanting the best for each other...  That's an element of Love with the capital "L".

List of ten things to do in lieu of Homework

1.   Search for long lost elementary school friends on Facebook
2.   Watch a Married With Children 24 hour marathon on TV
3.   Clean the grout in the shower
4.   Pull weeds by hand from the grass
5.   Shop for rare Indian spices on the internet
6.   Organize my coat closet
7.   Rent a steam cleaner and clean the carpets
8.   Paint my dog's toenails
9.   Bake a cake
10.  Try and master the art of liquid eyeliner to look like Kat Von D

The other side of the story

How come when people meet someone and hear their story about divorce, it always seems like it was clearly the other person's fault and the person you are speaking to was clearly jilted.

In my case, I firmly believe that I did everything I could to try and foster a happy marriage that was irreconcilable.

I rarely meet someone that I don't feel sorry for the situation they were dealt in marriage.  I think it's because society's general belief is that marriage is sacred and any marriage that dissolves is a tragedy, no mater what side they are on.  But, there are always two sides to every story.

I kinda want to know what the other side of the story is; especially the other side of my story.

Being Straight

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but dating is hard.  It's even harder as a Christian, which is exponentially harder if you are trying to be celibate.  Even Christian men do not feel like waiting.  They do not want to take the time to see if there is something there, something more than sex.  

I love sex, I am not bragging when I say that I'm amazing at sex, well, I have an amazing time and it seems as though men enjoy me.  But, in today's society, we all want it now, try it on first without the commitment.  

I want the next time I have sex to be mind blowing fantastic... because it is a shared gift with my husband.  I want sex to be reserved for one man.  Like the Song of Solomon, I want it to be sensual.

I do not want to have casual sex, I've tried that, it made me feel horrible about myself and it rarely ever turned into a real relationship.  So I believe the goal for these men was to conquer another one.  The more I've been dating lately, the more I become more steadfast in this ideal, because when it does not turn out the way I would have liked, it is easier to let go, I'm not as heartbroken.

Okay, so I may never get married again, I guess that's okay, because right now, I'm in no hurry to get married... But I want to someday, to someone that loves me.

Till then, I still have a bunch of good things about being single.  (See previous post) 

The stool is not big enough for two

Sunday's message at church was about commitment.  I realize I have difficulty with commitment (commitment issues) in my walk.  I get gung-ho and then I take my eyes off.  Like when Peter got out of the boat, HE WAS WALKING ON WATER!!!!  Look what you can do if you have faith, trust and keep your eyes on Him.  I get in the way of myself, I think I have to intervene in what He is doing in my life. 

They showed a video, that was so revealing.  It was a woman with a stool and Jesus.  She told Jesus He could sit on the stool and make her decisions.  But, then when her friend came along, she quickly sat on the stool and committed to doing what her friend wanted.  Then Jesus asked her, if she wanted the stool back so she could be in control and she apologetically offered the stool back to Him.  Then when He sat on the stool, and she was confronted with decisions she started to try and find a way onto the stool in conjunction with Jesus.  Eventually she was hanging around His back, piggyback style, trying to provide her input to the decision making process.  Jesus kept offering the stool back but she refused and finally Jesus asked her to make up her mind.

I know we all do this, I am an expert at taking back control, I offer it away, then try and take it back after I have given it up.  I have to look at what Jesus is capable of doing in my life if I keep my eyes on Him.  Maybe one day I will be able to walk on water.

Advantages of being single

Just a few reasons why it's good to be single.

1.  I can come home when ever I want
2.  I can go where ever, with who ever I want
3.  I can talk on the phone to who I want for as long as I want
4.  I am in control of the remote
5.  I can save or spend as I like, I want shoes, I get shoes
6.  I can cook (or not) and eat a meal without meat
7.  I can spread out in the bed and use as many (or few) covers as I want
8.  I can go see chick flicks as soon as they come out
9.  I can call a repairman to fix or install things, or just do it myself
10.  I have gal pals and my moma