The other side of the story

How come when people meet someone and hear their story about divorce, it always seems like it was clearly the other person's fault and the person you are speaking to was clearly jilted.

In my case, I firmly believe that I did everything I could to try and foster a happy marriage that was irreconcilable.

I rarely meet someone that I don't feel sorry for the situation they were dealt in marriage.  I think it's because society's general belief is that marriage is sacred and any marriage that dissolves is a tragedy, no mater what side they are on.  But, there are always two sides to every story.

I kinda want to know what the other side of the story is; especially the other side of my story.

Moving on

I struggle sometimes, trying to move on. It is not because I miss him, it is because I miss what I thought I had. A make believe world of what I created in my head. I always imagined that he'd come around.

I went to church today, as I do on most Sundays, the pastor is doing a series on relationships. Today he talked about what the Husbands role in the marriage is biblically. I tried to sit there, the longer I sat there the more I felt like I was in a prison. Gulping for air, my eyes darted around trying to figure out how I'd get out of the full auditorium without being noticed. There was no way of sneaking out. I finally grabbed by coat, purse and helmet and shuffled out, of course I was sitting towards the front. I had to walk past all those rows of people looking at me. How embarrassing. I scuttled up the stairs to the Divorce Care class, I quietly joined the circle of people talking about how divorce has financially impacted them. These people understand me. I did not participate in the discussion. But, this was a far better place for me than that auditorium encouraging marriages to work where I was mortified that I could not figure out how to make mine work. Next week is the wife's role in the marriage. I think I will skip that lesson too.

The man I met last Sunday at Mulligans was a wash, apparently we are looking for different things and I'm not that kinda girl. I've met another one, we'll see.

Old Flames

I have a friend that is toying with the idea of reuniting with her ex. I can understand the desire. I have been there myself, how can I blame her. If she, or any of my friends chooses to reunite with someone, who is it for me to say. I care about my friend and her happiness, but will not risk losing a friend because we disagree about who her mate should be.

Some of the things I remind myself of when I toy with the idea of reuniting with my ex are:

Has he changed, like he promised a thousand times?

Will I feel safe about our relationship if we were together?

Would I trust him not to break my trust?

Would I have to worry about walking around on egg shells?

Would he ever be happy at work? Happy at home?

Would he stop revealing his true nature and embarrassing me in public, in front of my family or friends?

Does he really want me? or is he just lonely too?

Really I could go on and on, but I think my point is clear.

I have to caveat all the change requests with the fact that the things I wanted him to change were unhealthy in ANY relationship. Not something like too much sports or changing the oil in the car. I did not marry the guy I dated, if I'd known the way he was when we dated, I would have never married him. I can't think of too many women who would. No man is going to change his essence. He can hide it for a short while, but it is always lingering there... waiting. A person has to have a serious emotionally life changing event occur in order to really change who they are.

I am better off without him. But, I forget that, when I am lonely, that's where the reminders come in. But my friend, who is toying with the idea.... make sure it is what you really want.