Love

What is love in relationships? Is love unique? Can it be had with anyone? So far, for me, love has only been for a season. Of course, I loved my Ex's, apparently I thought I could not live without them, I thought we were good matches.

I have had one love, that I think will be through all time, but that can never be.

What if I'm in love right now, how can I differentiate it from a crush? What if the person is everything you you ever wanted in a man? What if you are happier than you thought you could be?

I think my mind plays tricks on me, "well, I've been here before and it didn't work out", am I really feeling what I'm feeling or is this some sick mind game happening in my head. How can I trust what I'm feeling? How do you know? At what point do you just let go and trust the feelings of the moment?

Far Away

Why do I feel so far away from what I want most?

Lately, I have been feeling so far away from God. I have always felt a general sense of His Presence or the Holy Spirit, even when I was most undeserving and hiding in the darkness.

I feel like I am checking off the list of Godly things to do (if there were a list, I know there is not one.) I pray, surround my self with Christian friends, go to Church & Bible Studies. Talked to my girlfriend about why I feel so disconnected from Him.

I have not tithed in well over a year, I feel bad about that. I can afford it now, I couldn't in the past, I do feel like that is keeping me at arms length. To be honest, I have not been prayerfully reading my Bible, except in rare circumstances.

I have to find a way to cut out time to spend in HIS presence, then maybe HE will spend time in mine.